I wrote an open letter to Sunir Shah and Robert Abitbol
on my 
home page at
Wiki Wiki. Working with
Robert has been a frustrating experience, because he is nice enough to me, but
behaves like a brattish child on Wiki Wiki.
It's been building up in me for a while, the desire to confront him about his behavior there, but I didn't want to just yell at him. He's had enough people yell at him; such a thing wouldn't do. And besides, I don't think he's without hope. He's a good guy underneath, it's just that he has poor social skills and doesn't get handle criticism well at all. He either smiles and tells you how right you are, or he gets furious and lashes out.
I don't think Robert does well with anonymous, Internet-based communication. When I spoke with him on the phone a few weeks ago, he was really pleasant and sociable, and I really liked talking to him. He was the exact opposite of everything he is on Wiki Wiki.
And it's too bad today turned into another anti-Robert session. All I really wanted to do was give Sunir some words of encouragement, not to start yet another attack against Robert. He's been attacked enough; Sunir's right when he says we should back off and not be confrontational, to not look for any type of victory. There is no victory.
This whole six-month-long episode has been a disgrace for Wiki. People have forgotten the ideals they believe in, that being right is not enough, that your behavior must also set an example. Once people start doing things just because they can—like demand that Robert leave—something is lost. Wiki is tarnished.
What aggravates me is Robert's stubbornness. He simply will not admit he's wrong. He just doesn't realize that he, and he alone, creates this hostile atmosphere. He thinks everybody but himself is dysfunctional, and I don't see a way to change his mind. That's the catch-22: the above average know they are above average, whereas the below average think they're above average.
One small good thing that came out of this was that I didn't poison Robert against me. I don't think he's listened to me, but at least he's not angry with me. If that happened, I doubt there would be anybody whom he'd listen to.
Copied here for posterity:
Sunir,
I hate to see what's been happening between you and Robert. Robert has been constantly invoking the will of the community, trying to imply that there are only a few people aggressing him—not the community at large—and that you stand alone. Which is of course not true, but by virtue of sheer will and energy alone he some how seems to shout down all of us.
I don't write here regularly, I just read and follow things mostly, which is why I think what I say might have a bit different impact than confrontations by "regulars." What I want to say is that I am behind you whole-heartedly, not just because I think you're a reasonable person taking reasonable measures, but also because you have stature and precedent here, and that means a hell of a lot.
For a personal bit about me, I wrote to Robert at the beginning of the year offering him help with his programming projects. I believe he was a good person with limited social skills, and that he really meant no harm. I thought that if I showed him some goodwill he might change his mind about how bad this community is.
But, I just can't keep looking on and see him constantly disparage you (and others) on this site. I've never met you or spoken to you, but just by virtue of your contributions here and elsewhere I know that you're a good, decent person. I cannot in good conscience continue to help Robert while he behaves so awfully here.
I want you to know that you're not alone. You know this, but Robert insists upon the illusion that you're crazy and only speak for yourself. But that's not true—you've been speaking for me, too.
Robert,
In private you have been perfectly amiable and pleasant. With me you are just like you were when you first came to Wiki Wiki—friendly, positive, and unbelievably optimistic, with just a touch of arrogance.
It's just become a growing discomfort to work with you while you treat this place with so much disdain. You think you have the moral high ground here, that you are fighting against injustice, but I promise you that is not the case.
Now, I'm not a bully, Robert, which you know. Please don't dismiss these as the words of just another bully. These are the words of somebody who has tried to be your friend.
I have offered my friendship, and I would continue to do so, but I cannot extend my hand while you single-handedly destroy a place I love so much. I don't believe anybody here agrees with what you are doing. What you are seeing are different flavors of disapproval. Some antagonize you and confront you; others become disgusted by your behavior and leave; others disapprove but say nothing; others offer kindness, hoping to soothe your anger. I speak as one of those that have offered kindness.
I didn't write this to try to change your mind or your behavior; such an expectation would be naive. I only want to add another voice to the community voice, to show you that we are not just a few, but are many. In the end, all we the community have is our solidarity.
Now Robert claims that Sunir is at fault for all that is currently happening. However at one time or another Robert has claimed that TomStambaugh or EarleMartin, EricHodges, CostinCozianu, WardCunningham and a host of others are the problem. In all these conflicts the one constant is Robert's vulgarity and mendacity. Yet he keeps insisting that his current enemy is the one at fault. Yet when he participates in others forums like MeatBall or SociologyWiki the same thing happens.